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고1따리 essay 써봤어 - 기술의 발전이 범죄에 도움이 돼나,안돼나

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As technology advanced, crime rate decreased, while crime techniques improved.


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Technological advances led to fewer crimes, while crime techniques improved.


To begin with, developed equipment prevented crime.

These days, CCTV are everywhere, and mature people act gently in conflict situations 

since they are aware of the CCTV.

This,therefore, leads people to raise psychological obstacles to initiating violence.


Furthermore, high-tech mobile device provides instant communication when a crime is occurs.

During the days when there was no improved mobile device, the officers had to carry 

a waki-toki which has the disadvantage of having the wrong frequency, the danger of wiretapping

and lack of battery. Nowadays,however,smart phone simultaneous information exchange

can swiftly confine criminals when used properly.


In spite of the benefits of a safe society, personal privacy is expected to be invaded.

Consider if every coner has been surrouded by spy cameras and you would constantly be observed.

Undoubtedly, this would incur people to become mentally ill

in comparison with a society that is unmonitored,which may protect their privacy.


In conclude,preventing cirminal acts and rapid response to crimes are positive aspects of developement.

But ruining personal lives must be abated.




쓰는데 1시간넘게 걸렸어 

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mndl님의 댓글

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다 ㄱㅊ은데 tense를 좀 consistent하게 쓰면 좋겠어. 어떨땐 past tense였다가 갑자기 present tense로 바뀌고 그런게 보여

ㅇㅇ님의 댓글

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문법 잘 모르겟어 ㅠㅠ시제는 뭐로 공부해야돼?구글docs로 체크하긴하는데  한 에세이에 다양한 시제? 어휘 쓰려고하니까 어려워!댓글 고마워

ㅇㅇ님의 댓글

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그래? 고마워 알려줘서 크롬에서 써야지

함바왕님의 댓글

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무슨 말을 할려는지는 알겠는데 좋은 점수를 받을려면 문법, 전개에서 많이 부족하다. 좀 손을 봐야겠네.
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